Questions that Haunt Me

QUESTIONS THAT HAUNT ME!



Can you cry under water?


 

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?


 

Why do you have to ‘put your two cents in’… but it’s only a ‘penny for your thoughts’?  Where’s that extra penny going to?



Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?



Why does a round pizza come in a square box?



What disease did cured ham actually have?



How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?



Why is it that people say they ’slept like a baby’ when babies wake up like every two hours?



If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?


Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?


 

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?


 

Why do doctors leave the room while you change?

They’re going to see you naked anyway.


 

Why is ‘bra’ singular and ‘panties’ plural?


 

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?


 

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?


 

Can a hearse carrying  a corpse drive in  the  carpool lane  ?


 

If the proffessor on Gilligan’s  Island  can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?


 

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours?

They’re both dogs!



If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?



If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?



If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?



Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?



Why did you just try singing the two songs above?



Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your butt?



Did
you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you,
but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?



Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?  



Save the Earth… it’s the only planet with chocolate!!!!

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Vodka

1. To remove a bandage painlessly, saturate the bandage with vodka. The solvent dissolves the adhesive.

2. To clean the caulking around bathtubs and showers, fill a trigger-spray bottle with vodka, spray the caulking, let set 5 minutes and wash clean. The alcohol in the vodka kills mold and mildew.

3. To clean your eyeglasses, simply wipe the lenses with a soft, clean cloth dampened with vodka. The alcohol in the vodka cleans the glass and kills germs.

4. Prolong the life of razors by filling a cup with vodka and letting your safety razor blade soak in the alcohol after shaving. The vodka disinfects the blade and prevents rusting.

5. Spray vodka on vomit stains, scrub with a brush, then blot dry.

6. Using a cotton ball, apply vodka to your face as an astringent to cleanse the skin and tighten pores.

7. Add a splash of vodka to a 12-ounce bottle of shampoo. The alcohol cleanses the scalp, removes toxins from hair and stimulates the growth of healthy hair.

8. Fill a 16-ounce trigger-spray bottle and spray bees or wasps to kill them.

9. Pour 1/2 cup vodka and 1/2 cup water in a freezer bag and freeze for a slushy, reusable ice pack for aches, pain or black eyes…

10. Fill a clean, empty jar with freshly packed lavender flowers. Fill the jar with vodka, seal the lid tightly, and set it in the sun for 3 days. Strain liquid, then apply the tincture to aches and pains.

11. Make your own mouthwash by mixing 9 tablespoons powdered cinnamon with 1 cup vodka. Seal in an airtight container for 2 weeks. Strain through a coffee filter. Mix with warm water and rinse your mouth. (DON’T SWALLOW!)

12. Using a cotton swab, apply vodka to a cold sore to help it dry out.

13. If blister opens, pour vodka over the raw skin as a local anesthetic that also disinfects the exposed dermis.

14. To treat dandruff, mix 1 cup vodka with 2 teaspoons crushed rosemary. Let sit 2 days, strain through a coffee filter, massage into your scalp and dry.

15. To relieve a fever, use a washcloth to rub vodka on your chest and back as a liniment.

16. To cure foot odor, wash your feet with vodka.

17. Vodka will disinfect and alleviate a jellyfish sting.

18. Pour vodka over an area affected with poison ivy to remove the urushiol oil from your skin.

19. Swish a shot of vodka over an aching tooth. Allow your gums to absorb some of the alcohol to numb the pain.

And, my personal favorite…

20. If all else fails, just turn the bottle upside-down and drink it. Then nothing else will matter anyway!

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Slash helps Conan buy a guitar

Slash and Conan go looking for a guitar, using Craigslist ads. I just adore those two, and together they make quite a trippy video.

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Bea Arthur May 13, 1922 – April 25, 2009


Rest in Peace, Golden girl

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Who says women can’t park?

Mazda2 Ad . . . Zoom Zoom

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Stop! Butterfly Crossing Ahead

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

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President-Elect Barack Obama in Chicago 11/04/08

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Signage

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4 Things You Cannot Recover

Sept 21 is Women’s Friendship Day. Do share this with all your friends.

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Brain Freeze

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